


unknown

by ddugeun



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Future Fic, M/M, Romance, please read the a/n before reading this!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-22
Updated: 2015-02-22
Packaged: 2018-03-14 15:04:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,421
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3415214
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ddugeun/pseuds/ddugeun
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On some days, they were close. Closer than usual. Sharing body heat as they sat side by side on the court floor, sweaty backs pressed up against the cool wooden panelling. And on other days, they weren't close. They'd walk past each other in the corridors, not paying attention to the other one at all.</p>
            </blockquote>





	unknown

**Author's Note:**

> hi hello! n_n this is my first haikyuu fic, so please tell me if anything is ooc or needs changing! i'm super nervous about posting this, bc kagehina is one of my favourite pairings and i really hope i've done them justice t_t
> 
> !! a few warnings before you read on !!  
> there's a brief mention of implied self harm, a lot of metaphors/similes about being cut and bleeding and a very small, brief smut scene (they're both legal and of age)  
> \- if there's anything else that might be triggering and needs mentioning here, please let me know if i've missed it out! 
> 
> other than that, i hope this is okay bc i haven't had it beta'd and honestly i'm too tired to keep re-reading it ahh ;//;  
> enjoy! (▰˘◡˘▰)  
>  **22/03/15:** did a bit of editing, changed it to the proper cases~ also had some trouble with formatting too, so please try and ignore any large spacing t_t

Hinata thinks and thinks and thinks, but it doesn't get any clearer. He stares at Kageyama's features: sharp jawline, sharp eyes and a sharp tongue. Hinata thinks that if he got too close, he'd get cut. That if he reached out to touch him, his fingers would produce blood and his heart would get sliced in half. Kageyama has this impenetrable barrier around him, deflecting any oncoming objects. He refuses and turns away, not letting people get close. It’s gotten better. His spikes that surround him are less pointed, less sharp, less threatening. His face doesn't have one default state any more, he’s expressive and he knows how to smile properly. It’s gotten better, it’s getting better and yet Hinata always feels at arm’s length.

He watches him from the other side of the table. Kageyama stretches out, one arm resting on the top of the sofa like chair, his other arm lying on the table - long, slim fingers drumming against the wooden top. Hinata watches his fingers, thinks about the power they have behind them, and he swallows down the twisting feeling in his stomach.

Hinata brings the coffee cup to his lips and takes a sip; it could pass as just being hot water. He has a feeling that the person who made it knew this too. He puts the cup back down and pushes it away to be forgotten.

 Kageyama's head is turned to the right, staring out the large window onto the streets of tokyo, the brightness of the lights from signs and cars contrasted with the darkness which settled around them, illuminating Kageyama's face; casting shadows on his dangerously sharp face and Hinata thinks that Kageyama looks kind of fragile -

 - that if Hinata did get too close - it wouldn't be him getting cut, it'd be Kageyama cutting himself.

His eyes trail down Kageyama's face to look at his arm, old scars barely visible but with the flashing lights of the outside world ghosting across his body, they stand out against his pale skin as if there are blindingly bright arrows pointing to them. He knows what they were the result of. He knows that Kageyama sometimes still remembers his middle school days, with the betrayal and the never ending questioning and the blank faces of his old team mates. Hinata knows, and he tries to cushion the blow as best as he can. He knows that the old scars littered across Kageyama’s skin still burn, still twinge in remembrance and they still hurt.

Hinata thinks that even though he sits across from Kageyama, not touching and barely looking, he's already been cut. Even though Kageyama was once a stranger from a far, he's now a stranger from right beside him and he's cut out a small part of Hinata's heart to fit himself into. Hinata thinks, he really does, but his feelings for Kageyama don't get any clearer.

 

They've been like this since high school. On some days, they were close. Closer than usual. Sharing body heat as they sat side by side on the court floor, sweaty backs pressed up against the cool wooden panelling. And on other days, they weren't close. They'd walk past each other in the corridors, not paying attention to the other one at all. Not even a side glance or a small smile. When they did pass each other though, they let their hands brush against the others as if to reassure each other that tomorrow, maybe, they'll be close again.

 

Tomorrow comes and goes, and they're close again. They wake up in a good mood, bright grins and playful manners – and somehow everything seems alright. They race each other to the court - 93 to 93.5 to Kageyama. The pain of being overworked is forgotten, the aches and trembling muscles are pushed aside and the constant drumming in their heads of an oncoming headache simmers down to nothing. They turn to each other at the same time, Hinata laughing and Kageyama’s lips tilted upwards ever so slightly, eye sight locked. Sometimes they wonder if the feeling of having his toss hit, and hitting his toss will ever lose its electrifying effect.

 

All of a sudden, they're miles apart. They have no school or practice, so they don't meet up. They could easily text between themselves, arranging a time and place after everything's finished, but they don't. That'd be too obvious, too desperate in their heads – and getting attached is the last thing they want. There are so many what ifs and buts in their relationship. What if they don't go to inter high. What if they don’t win. What if they fail, crashing and burning on the way down. What if they self destruct, and they hurt each other.

 

But they will win together. But they will hurt each other, and they will make up.

 

They’re in university now, freshly 18 years old and raring to go for the future. University is a whirlwind of everything – exams, essays, new people, new teachers and new surroundings. They find themselves drifting from each other, but they always reach out again. They’re on the university volleyball team, and their quick strike still brings butterflies to their stomachs and stunned silences from spectators. It’s great, it’s exhilarating but there’s just no time for themselves.

The first time they've been left alone, properly alone, no homework, no other team mates hanging around giving them not-so-obvious curious and amused looks and no practice for tomorrow; Kageyama makes the first move, bringing his hands up towards Hinata's face to cup his cheeks.

Hinata looks up at Kageyama through wide eyes, and Kageyama looks down at Hinata through hooded eyelids.

And that’s it, isn’t it? Hinata is always 100% there, always giving his best. He lays himself out on the table, heart on his sleeve and you either take it or leave it. Kageyama is half shut off, still protecting himself from his fears and nightmares and is still hesitant to offer something up of himself.

 They would like to remember everything in days to come. They want to remember everything. Like how the slide of their bodies felt. Like how the way their breaths mingled as they pressed their foreheads together. Like how the words they wanted, needed, to say were pushed to the back of their minds - over whelming pleasure taking over.

 

Kageyama wants to memorise every dip, every mark, everything about Hinata while his face was pressed up close, mouthing sweet nothings against his ear.

Hinata wants to do the same, letting his fingernails dig deeper into Kageyama's shoulder blades, dragging them downwards while leaving scratch marks; mouth wide open in a silent scream.

 

When Hinata woke up, eyes hesitantly fluttering open, a voice at the back of his head chanted he won't be there why would he all he wanted was one thing now he's left you on your own why are you so stupid.

Hinata rolled over, and he comes face to face with Kageyama already looking at him.

 

Hinata let out a surprised oh before trying to calm his heart beat down. His lips quirked up at the edges as he inhaled, recognising the familiar scent. Kageyama reaches his hand up to brush a piece of hair out of Hinata’s eye, and he feels another piece of his heart slowly melt away, making more room for Kageyama to fit in.

 

He bites down on his bottom lip, listening to the way that Kageyama's breathing evens out once again. Hinata thinks and he thinks, and yet his feelings for Kageyama are still a little watery at the edges, not quite defined but definitely there; somewhere raging at the bottom of his heart as he still tries to figure out the jigsaw puzzle that makes up Kageyama Tobio.

There are still some pieces missing, Hinata knows this, he knows that there are things about Kageyama which he doesn't know and possibly doesn't need to know – and yet he thinks that even if they're unconventional, he'll accept them. Whatever it is, if it's to do with Kageyama, Hinata will accept it. He will open his arms and heart wide enough, and he will let Kageyama in. Hinata waits on a single breath that Kageyama will do the same for him.

 

Tomorrow was a whole day away. Tomorrow, they could go back to being not close. Tomorrow, they could not speak and maybe not look at each other. Tomorrow is a whole day away, but right now is today. Today, they can love each other.


End file.
